Shared beds!

Community Culture
29

Okay, that’s a fair point :slight_smile: Now, what if the host does not think to mention that a sleeping bag is expected (or show a picture of the surface)? The mandatory field would just say “Shared Room” vs “Private Room” - the host may assume that it’s “obvious” that the guest will be sleeping on the floor, but the guest may assume (e.g. through their past couch-surfing experiences) that there’s always a soft surface and bedding. I don’t think that should be the surfer’s fault (remember: not everyone has had 10 years of couchsurfing experience like most of y’all :P) Adding that info to the Home checkboxes ensures that it’s not omitted.

To be more clear: at this point I’m advocating for a choice that says
Sleeping surface provided? Yes / BYO

or some paraphrased version of that. If not, there should at least be some heading/guide in the write-in portion of the profile (“My Home”), called “sleeping arrangement” - to ensure that the host doesn’t forget to mention it.

Edit: Oh my gosh. There is already a section called “sleeping arrangement” - I’m dumb. Okay you can ignore me.

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30

Totally fair point.

It’s true that there is a section about sleeping arrangements, but it’s also true that not everyone fills it in. Maybe we could make mandatory to fill it in, so surfers have at least a remote idea about it besides tge checkboxes? No other platform makes this a requirement before hosting. Maybe we can make it our thing? “The place where you know before hand the sleeping arrangements”. And I like that it’s not a filter, a description feels mpre appropriate for something like this.

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31

But is it really necessary? I’d guess if the host doesn’t mention it in their profile, they would bring it up in the chat. And if not, people will still figure smth out at the spot and learn from it :slight_smile: I don’t think such situations happen often anyway, and there’s nothing too bad about it. Imho, unnecessary restrictions are worse.

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32

I didn’t surf much but it happened to me that I ended up in a place where I slept on a bare couch and had to use my jacket instead of blanket. While it would have been nice if the host provided the information it was also my fault because I didn’t ask. “Hey I didn’t find any info on your profile, do you have some pillow or a blanket?”. It was a good lesson for me and learnt from it. As Aleja mentioned, it’s surfer’s responsibility to make sure the place is suitable for them. If the host doesn’t provide that information- guest should ask and do not automatically assume that they will get beddings, towels or a shampoo.

Also, I have hosted over 100 guests and 95% of them were traveling without sleeping bags and majority of them without towels (which wasn’t problem for me, I was offering them) but I can imagine it would have caused a lot of misunderstanding (and possibly some negative references for me as well) if I didn’t have any beddings/towels and didn’t provide such an important information neither on my profile nor in our conversation.

We should definitely encourage active hosts to provide this kind of information either in “About my home”, “Sleeping arrangements” or “Additional information”. I like the idea you proposed: it would be nice to have some “hints” when filling out the home section: “Where will your guests sleep?”, “Describe your couch”, “Do your guests need to bring their sleeping bags/towels?” There might be people who never hosted before. This can be useful for new Couchers.

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33

Hey, it’s not a hotel! I’m having a hard time imagining someone leaving a bad reference because you haven’t given them a towel, but if they would, they’d be total jerks.

Yeah, I agree.

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34

It’s not a hotel but I have read so many ridiculous negative references like: “The host didn’t give me keys”, “The host was working and didn’t show me around” or “The couch wasn’t very comfortable”. Of course those were from surfers who were using CouchSurfing for a very first (and most likely last) time and kinda expected that CouchSurfing was a free hotel. I don’t think this will be an issue here, just saying that people have different standards and expectations and it’s good to be crystal clear about what you do and do not offer to your guests.

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35

I think it’s reasonable to make this a mandatory field if the person has their hosting status set to “can host” or “maybe can host”. After all, people can provide as little or as much detail as they want. In my opinion it’s better to be up-front with people so they know what to expect. At the same time, people need not be super detailed since this isn’t airbnb. After all, couch surfing is about the people, not the accommodations! :slight_smile:

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36

I have not seen this myself but I do understand the point of that being silly. Personally I cover all of these things in the house rules, which is a field already available on the home sub-page.

I keep it simple with the following themes for the house rules:

  • Communication
  • Shoes
  • Smoking
  • Sleeping area
  • Showers, laundry, linens
  • Outside guests
  • Key & Time access

Perhaps I could have more but I didn’t want to appear too picky. I just believe in transparency.

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37

Telling these rules often for the host could be enbarassing since it would show too openly its uses and could scare people.
There are many rules that are common. It would be extremely useful to collect a list of “common rules” each one with a two letter code so in the profile the host can just put “apply standard rules ab ac bf bg bh” is a bit more indirect and could help being more informative. also one could do a search on there rules, to avoit people that have certin rules, or prefer who has some (avoiding who does not supply lines or looking for a no smoker)

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38

In my opinion, having to “decode” a crucial piece of info via another site is a no-go. I can see absolutely no benefit in this - for either party, because the host also has to look up those codes when writing his profile. Also, room for error - you mean rule “ab”, but accidentally put “ac” in… No.

I also honestly can’t see how stating house rules could be embarrassing. Or scare people away who wouldn’t also be scared away by having to do a puzzle first and then getting the rules anyway…

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39

Post-pandemic, people aren’t feeling that “Shared bed” situation, anymore. We can do without that feature.

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40

I think people that want to share bed, should save money and buy a couch for visitors… easy. If the user doesnt have another couch… just participate in events and surf, but they wouldn’t be able to host.

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41

If you don´t fill in “private / shared space”, the default is “ask me”, am I right? To me it suggests “ask me if we can share sleeping surface”, which looks strange to me. Whatever the final decision by Couchers, it would be better if that space was left blank without the automatic “ask me”. If “ask me” is an alternative, just erase it.

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42

There are plans to update this section of the profile so “ask me” never appears. “ask me” doesn’t tell anyone anything, so there is no point displaying it (you can always ask someone about anything!) The options will also be clarified, specifically what these options mean: “private”, “shared room” and “shared space”.

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43

I agree with others that “bring your own” is the best option here. There may always be edge cases, as mentioned, but I agree that we shouldn’t encourage this and therefore should not offer “shared bed” as an option in order to discourage it.
This may sound daft but I have received messages from several surfers wondering if “shared bed” meant the surfer would be sharing with the host, with another surfer from their party, or with another surfer from a different party. This may be just a language barrier but I think we should have an option to make it absolutely clear where the surfer will be sleeping:

  • on their own in their own room

  • with their party (girlfriend, friend, mum, whoever) in their own room

  • on their own in the same room as the host

  • with their party in the same room as the host

  • with (an)other surfer(s) in a spare room

  • with (an)other surfer(s) in the same room as the host

…and all of these would need to explicitly state what surface the surfer will be sleeping on, whether it’s a four-poster bed or bring your own sleeping bag and fit into the corridor wherever you can.

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44

Just as a random thought, I really like Airbnb’s visual language about bedrooms and beds. Obviously we don’t need that same detail and filters here, because this is not about payed accommodations, we’re not searching for hotel rooms.
But I like how clear and easy to read it is.
image

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45

One idea is to make “shared sleeping” a filter box you can tick when searching for hosts, so the default is not, but you can choose if you want. Shared sleeping should be a mandatory field in host profiles, with room to explain further if necessary. Unwanted advances should be very easy to flag confidentially. I agree that profiles should be more descriptive. I agree that while there is no moral argument for preventing people from mentioning shared sleeping @couchguy is right, it’s about demographics. I’ve been an active member of CS since 2008 and trying to find hosts in some cities is impossible without first trawling through pages of “nudists” and “bed sharers”.

46

Sharing a surface

I think we should not be narrow minded.
It is a fact; Indeed, sharing a bed does not automatically mean that you are into sexual acts. But! To say: we forbid to post you have a sharing bed is weird. Next o that, here are plenty people that do not mind sharing.

Now a days everything must be separated and over-protected “safe”:

  • Slices of bread, cheese etc, in separated foils at the company restaurant (Wow that is great – NOT!)
  • The promotion of chemical soap, (everybody should use detol, to have healthy clean hands (NOT; As it infecting our immune system)
  • Put older people in elderly homes (A modern concentrationcamp sollution)
  • Keep gays preferable in a closet (according some people offering a couch under a heavy stone – I guess guaranteed a separated stone, as just only imagine, when not).
    All set?
    Now we live an appropriate, holy-moly, fine life…

To prejudice (I very much do not like this) that sharing a bed, is permanent equal to a host who is in for a f#k, is a dangerous narrow minded vision in my opinion.
In the past whole families, and friends that stay over, poor people in homeless shelters (I used to be homeless for over three years, I do know) etc.etc. shared there sleeping surfaces. To me it reminds me a bit to school camp: All together sleeping in the straw on a farm and telling stories, jokes and having fun.

Sharing when you have a small room.
Why taking the option away from people that live small, to enjoy couchers too and open their altruism to people in need?

Shower together, sleeping together, eating together, the sauna together.
The human body is still a product of nature, and we are all equal on that
Although we are destroying nature, and the way we look at each other quite a bit ourselves, which worries me much more – Is there a nature environment group already?

Just do not make it different from what it is and do not implement prejudices of habbits or offers that in other cultures, for instance: India, Pakistan, Russia, Iran, Iraq, Somalia, Zimbabwe, Sweden etc,etc,etc,etc are soooooooo normal.
I think if you giggled about a naked penis or boobs back when 10yrs old, you probably will never ever understand.

I think, but that is for sure my opinion, It is sick, a sickness of the modern prejudge mental world. Something I very much do not like.
Something that does not fit an open-minded community as couchers.

But yes vulnerable people should be protected, but not over protected though.
When a host or Surfer (why not a surfer) behaves inappropriate, you can make a note at the moderators and eventually go to the police of the town where you stay.

Feel free to react
Amsterdamned good couch in Amsterdam (Shared)

47

I don’t think it is the right mindset to first let people make a bad experience and then to react as a filter for future events. I guess prevention of as many uncomfortable situations as possible is the goal and allthough there is place for acceptance of people who are cool with sleeping surfaces the sheer amount of women (and some men) with bad experience in couch surfing of inapporiate offerings would make us naive not to react to.

I checked your profile and you are very specific about that you are only hosting men, which exludes a big portion of humankind. It made your post of telling people to be narrow-minded, prejudices and the alleged openess of some societies shine in a different light. =/

@Topic: I like the option being mentioned as “bring your own sleeping surface”. many of my surfers offered sleeping bags, camping mattresses and don’t forget that offering people to put up a tent in the garden can be an option.

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49

Additional to my writing

All I try to say is that couchers need people that can think with people, rather than FOR people!
A bed does not do anything but comfort you (if it is a good bed) It is a dead thing!
It is the people, a very few btw ,thank god, that goes beyond acceptable behavior.
It is the people doing that, that should be monitored. Not the options how we sleep or are offered to sleep.

Sitting on a couch, watching television next to your host, he can wrap an arm around you, grab whatever he hopes to be able to grab, besides his beer.
Should we now avoid couchers with a couch too? and people with showers you can not lock, maybe as well people with too high fences, as for otherwise neighbours can not check what you are about too?, next to that, :pssssst: I have heard that red haired people, with a big nose do more dirty things than blond peole with big feet. Seriously, we should block them all

I am sarcastic kidding, creepy bullshit.
Of course, this is not the way as it should be done
Protecting each other, giving tips…, wonderful, good job.
But people, if possible, please in a healthy way

Thanks

Kevin

Amsterdamned good host.

1 Like