Oh my gosh! I did not even notice that they/them was not an option - yes, please include it dev team @aapeli !
I would have she/her, he/him, they/them, ____.
That third option in pronouns is blank but if you type they/them you will have it (I just tried it out on my own profile).
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This feels like splitting hairs honestly, people who use other pronouns than the ones listed would then also argue that those should be included as well. I think the current pronoun setup is perfect in that it is easy to use for everyone and that it has the option to fill in the blank as users see fit. Users who do not have experience with personal pronouns in this context can still very easily understand what to do and if it was just a fill in the blank instead of with the he/him and she/her options as well, then I think it could cause unnecessary confusion for them. The current setup is perfectly simple while still being universally functional
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So much for not overcomplicating things 
I mean, a person who actually might use those options says âotherâ is okay, and a person who (I assume) is not going to use them, starts to argue?
As @anon14140932 said, translating that might be a problem. We donât really have it in Russian, for exampleâŚ
About gender filters
Pegaso, do you really think we girls are that stupid? How easy is it, you think, to create a convincing and safe-looking profile of another gender? And get good references on it?
Itâs not like you use a gender filter, and then blindfold yourself and send requests randomly.
Sounds good to me!
Also, we are talking about different filters here. Hiding profiles is one thing, but thereâs gender filter in the search, right? Along with filters for home preferences. I totally want it to remain there
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I see what you mean! As you mentioned, I do wonder how that would play out when translating the platform into languages that do not have gender neutral pronouns or have multiple that are not agreed upon. Thatâs where I can see the write-in option being the simplest solution across the platform. I definitely agree that education is very valuable! This is a beautiful international community with so many different experiences and perspectives. I think a really effective form of community education could be learning about one anotherâs diverse experiences/perspectives through guest blog posts or something of that matter. I think this could give a lot of insight into the perspectives of people within the community from marginalized groups such as disabled people, lgbtq people, people of ethnic and racial minorities and so on and so forth. Iâm sure that there are challenges in couch surfing that people of these groups face that we could all benefit from learning about in order to foster a better understanding of one another within the community :)! Edit:(Sent prior to seeing your second reply)
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I do think that phaula makes a good point that its unlikely for people to make convincing looking fake profiles and get good references on them, especially if many people facetime or meet up in person first. Also I agree that respect is very important but your tone is rather condescending in your reply to phaula. We are ALL trying to come up with the best solutions for everyone, let us assume that nobodyâs intentions are to attack one another :)!
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??
You really mistook me for someone. I was the one against that option! Then I saw the point that it could be useful in some situations.
Look, I really have no idea what kind of âpredatorsâ (as opposed to âannoying guysâ) you are talking about. I actually feel filtering out the annoying ones is the goal (of the hiding option).
But here I was actually talking about the search filter, which doesnât hide anyone but allows me to search for men/women/others separately. I stay with girls when possible, so I use that filter pretty much always. Yeah, when I saw a guy saying âwomen donât need thatâ, I got annoyed. Sorry for the tone.
Donno, still there for me.
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After reading the thoughtful responses here, Iâm personally leaning toward gender filtering (see groups like Host a Sister for the popularity/necessity of this), allowing people to change gender on their profile, and if the system is abused (ie. change your gender to message someone you wouldnât be able to), those users can be banned.
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This is legacy from the alpha app. I also have an old dragon as friend.
A bit more seriouslyâŚI think itâs important that we show gender or pronouns in a way thatâs comfortable for trans/non-binary people. But that already means how it works in general.
Personally, I wouldnât explicitly identify as non-binary. But I also donât feel 100% comfortable when I just have to identify as âManâ. It seems to suggest I embrace the traditional blueprints and using these distinctions as a way to structure society in general. So I wouldnât like my profile stating upfront: 44/Man, like on some governmentâs database. Thatâs not who I feel I am.
Iâm just wondering, how do we discuss this best? As @lucas points out, the central use case and necessity for the overall setting and filter is related to a functionality like Host a Sister provided - and not because we want to label trans/non-binary people. It seems to stretch and divert this topic too much. But it also touches upon all genders. Open a new topic for gender settings and filtering?
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@nolo I have read that, for some people, being non-binary does not necessarily exclude also identifying as a man or a woman. I wonder if the gender field could take the form of a checkbox (with âwomanâ and âmanâ being mutually exclusive) instead of a Single-Option, such that someone could check Man, Woman, Man+Non-binary, Woman+Non-binary, or just Non-Binary. Assuming that thatâs technologically feasible, would it help the issue you brought up?
Also, how about having the third option be âNon-binary/Non-Conformingâ? Itâs not too long of an option but a little more inclusive than just Non-Binary.
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You killed me
Well thatâs the point, no gender labels - no filters.
You mean like unicorn?
So I have been thinking about this more, and I actually think that including they/them as a stated option is quite important. Otherwise, new users who use those pronouns could feel like the pronouns are being treated as less legitimate and could be less likely to continue with their sign-up.
Maybe a soltution could be having âthey/themâ as the default in the fill-in-the-blank box, which could then be edited by users to be other pronouns instead. I think this could make translating the site into other languages easier than having a concrete they/them option, since the fill-in-the-blank box could just be left blank for languages without widely used gender neutral pronouns
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Hi, I have read most of the thread here and if I may add my point of viewâŚ
Being gay is not a an easy path in many countries and certainly not a choice like being vegan or being religious, I was a religious person and decided to go spiritual as I realized how misleading it was, especially when you are born like me in a macho and religious society where you are condemned before speaking out or you will put your life in danger if you dare to speak out.
Sadly, we donât live yet in a fully tolerant world where we are all equal and have rights no matter our sexual orientation, so there is always separation no matter how inclusive we want to be, just think about some African countries where you might end up in jail, being beaten or getting killed if someone assured you are gay, even without you knowing it fully yet! You wonât be given the chance to defend yourself.
So we do need to have a place where we can feel safe not only as travellers but also as hosts, we need to accept a certain reality that hetero/bisexual people donât face that aspect to consider as they wonât face any homophobia and will be safe in most places, they donât need to analyze certain situations or locations before engaging themselves in.
Hence my request to create some tolerance statement where the user will certify during filling up the profile that he will not discriminate against LBGTQ people, of course he can refuse but then it wonât be indicated in his profile.
Otherwise how would we know it will be a safe journey for couchers or a pleasant atmosphere for everyone as hosts?
Even travellers to homophobic countries could still travel when they know that their host is tolerant, nice and arranging or gay as well. There is no country 100% hetero population, some have even more than 30% LGBTQ population and have laws that punish same sex acts.
For hetero people to understand better, imagine you are a minority and rejected by the others, persecuted or tortured for your sexual orientation, then you will have a better picture of the hard life we go through.
Thank you for reading. Questions are welcome.
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