Request message window closed

Hello! I got my very first (copy and paste) request. I ended up declining it which automatically blocked the whole conversation. It says: “this host request is closed or in the past. To continue chatting, add the other person as a friend and send them a message”.

In my experience from CouchSurfing a lot of people like to reply “Thanks anyway” or ask for recommendations, maybe ask to meet up etc… but now it basically looks like I blocked the dude.

I would welcome if the window stayed open just like on CouchSurfing. I personally don’t feel like I want to add random people to my friend list in order to be able to write something back.


There’s an issue for this: "Reject" blocks sending of further messages · Issue #1243 · Couchers-org/couchers · GitHub

Later we are going to redo the requests to combine it better with messaging so you don’t have the be friends. Until then, do you think it would be enough to just have a message confirming the rejection? Like: “Are you sure you want to reject this request without a message? You won’t be able to send another message after unless you are friends.”

Then can send a message with the rejection or before it.


Thank you Lucas! I only used search bar here!

If the current settings block the conversation, it would be good to let the host know before they click that reject button (“You won’t be able to message each other unless you are friends.”) I haven’t got any warning and I was unaware of blocking the conversation when I was rejecting the request.

I mean it’s amazing tool to deal with copy and paste requests when you do not need to hear back from certain people but you took away the opportunity to stay civil.

I like the concept of two buttons that are currently on Couchers: Accept/Reject. It’s good to turn the request down so the person knows straight away what you can or can’t do for them but I think it’s unnecessary to block the conversation. I have hosted on CS for eight years and haven’t felt a need to block a single person that I rejected.

It would be good to hear what fellow hosts think of this “Reject=Block” button.


Something else I would like to add. I think that people should be able to message people who are not their friends not just thru a request. On other hospex sites I have had people just message wanting to meetup in my city and we did meetup. Also I have messaged people with questions about events. Also I asked a question in a city forum and several people sent me direct messages answering my questions …we then talk a bit there and I met up with 2 of them in their city.

I messaged Emily with questions about event promotion and I had to send her a friend request before I could even send her a message.

I know that oftentimes people can get these weird spam like creepy messages. Maybe once the site gets bigger we could have someone who overseas messages for a 12 hour period and it could be done on a signup basis for periods of the full year. Personally I would be more than happy to this for 12 hours. If someone gets a creepy message they would report it immediately and then who ever is on duty could suspend the account. They would almost be like a bouncer per se. Anyone who got suspended could appeal to the dedicated trust and safety person in an attempt to eliminate favoritism or things like that.


I’m really glad you brought up these important use cases! You will have the ability to send people a “meet up request” or a “hosting request” so if you just want to meet up or hang out then you can send the “meet up request”.

Likewise, if you join an event, you will be able to message the organizer. One thing I’m not sure about: Should all attendees of an event be able to send a message to anyone else who joined the event? My main concern is big events (with a hundred or more people); Would you be okay with anyone at that event messaging you directly (even that creepy guy or gal at the event that no one liked?!)


I think just have a clear and complete system for people to report others if there are weird messages personally after an event might be good(or any other time)(what I suggested earlier)
Obviously you want to have some safe guards to prevent abuse of the messaging system but I think that having many restrictions could make it harder to connect on the app when your not a bad actor …it is balancing act

I went to this meetup once when I was traveling and I threw out the suggestion to go to this music festival the next year. I message one person a month to work after the event to hash out the details and we did actually go to this music festival.

The other thing I was thinking is that sometimes people may want to organize events with other members they see are active in their city or share a common interest in. I think these are genuine things to be considered as well in messaging.

1 Like

I also think we should change the mechanics around being able to initiate new chats, as basing it on being friends has several downsides:

  • it’s probably too restrictive overall, as pointed out by comments in this topic
  • it kind of voids the intention and value of a friends list
  • we might avoid message-spamming, but then have to deal with “friends request”-spamming in turn. (and we are already seeing this now)

How about just adding a general “Contact” option (alongside the “Request” options). So when you send a first time message to someone, it is presented similar like the requests. It could also have some reminder note and a few checks (like minimal word count, blocked words…) and recipients could have an easy way to block/reject/report abuse. Something like this:

Or just have one “Connect” button, that expands to several options (Request to stay/Invite to hangout/Write a message)


Nolo I think that is pretty good but I would also add no flirtatious messages or commercial messages(like selling products or network marketing)

I think pick up artists (PUAs) might be like I just want to hook up and not date…no flirtatious messages would then make this type of thing against the rules


I just wanted to say that I also find the current situation very much restrictive. I assume it’s not impossible to just have a possibility to block a person? Then if smb does receive a disturbing message, they could use it. But I don’t see why people should be not allowed to send messages to strangers at all.

Also, as it was already said, with this system there will be spam friend requests instead of spam messages. I actually had those even on CS for I don’t know what reason (like some random people, somehow usually from India, sending friend requests but never writing or anything), but I can’t remember getting a single inappropriate message.

Also, I assume there’s no ‘maybe’ button to answer the requests here? I was using that a lot, usually for situations when I’m pretty busy and will be only available for a short time, but can still host if the person is ok with that.

And why block the person you can’t host? After all, I can answer a ‘no’ not only because I didn’t like the request, but also because I don’t have time or space now. We could still meet up in that case, or I could recommend smth in the city. And even if the problem was the request itself - why block the person for copy&paste messages?